Your Relationship Red Flags Might Actually Be Green Flags
With some mental “twist”, of course.
Ever met someone who seemed perfect, but something just didn’t feel right? You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but there was something that made you uneasy.
Maybe it was the way they talked about their exes, or the way they always seemed to be late in every situation. Whatever it was, you couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t quite right.
But what if those red flags were actually green flags? What if the things that made you uneasy were the very things that attracted you to them?
Let’s explore the idea that what we perceive as red flags might actually be green flags for something else. (Some other quality that we like.)
Let’s see if we can recognize when our own red flags turns out to be green flags for something else.
#1 “They’re Too Close With Their Ex”
Red Flag: You discover they’re still in regular contact with their ex, attending brunches and swapping stories like old chums. Cue the ominous music — are you just a backup plan?
Green Flag: Being on good terms with an ex can actually be a sign of maturity and emotional intelligence. It could mean they’re capable of healthy, amicable relationships — a green flag, one might say. (As long as, they’re swapping stories, not saliva.)
#2 “They’re A Bit Too Clingy”
Red Flag: Constant texts, demands for attention, and insecurities about your whereabouts — it’s like they’ve attached themselves to your hip. Are you dating a stage-five clinger?
Green Flag: Don’t peel them off just yet — their clinginess could stem from a place of deep affection and attachment. If they’re able to respect your boundaries and give you space when needed most, it can just be a sign for their devotion and desire to be close to you.
#3 “They’re Obsessed With Their Career”
Red Flag: Work emails at midnight, weekend meetings, and office gossip dominating dinner conversations — are you dating a workaholic with no room for romance?
Green Flag: Don’t file that resignation letter just yet! Their dedication to their career could signal ambition, drive, and a commitment to excellence. If this means he can provide for you, or she can carry her own weight in the relationship, then this could mean you’re a power couple in the making.
#4 “They’re Always Talking About Themselves”
Red Flag: Every conversation somehow circles back to them — their achievements, their interests, their opinions. Are you dating a narcissist in disguise?
Green Flag: This can easily be seen as self-centered. But it could also be a sign of enthusiasm and passion. They can simply be genuinely interested in sharing their world with you. Because of that, you will know more about them than those “silent” types.
#5 “They’re Too Close With Their Family”
Red Flag: Family dinners every Sunday, daily phone calls to mom, and sibling movie nights — it’s like you’re dating the entire clan. Is there even room for you in this picture?
Green Flag: A strong bond with family speaks volumes about their values and priorities. It shows they’re capable of forming lasting, meaningful relationships — including one with you, hopefully! Probably a green light.
#6 “They’re Obsessed With Their Hobby”
Red Flag: Their weekends are consumed by their hobby — whether it’s gaming, gardening, or collecting vintage stamps. Are you just a spectator in their one-person show?
Green Flag: Their passion for their hobby could signify dedication, creativity, and a sense of fulfillment outside of the relationship. It addition to not taking their stress out on you, it means they can pursue their interests while nurturing a relationship. (It also means you can do stuff on your own too.) Partners can live a multifaceted life!
#7 “They’re Always Complaining”
Red Flag: Every outing is marred by their constant griping — about the weather, the service, or the state of the world. Are you dating a perpetual pessimist who sees the glass as always half-empty?
Green Flag: Their tendency to complain could stem from a desire for improvement. They may simply want the best for you, that’s why on dates, they complain even about the little things. They may also be only sharing with you what their ideal world is, opening to you and being vulnerable.
#8 “They Hate Your Favorite TV Show”
Red Flag: You suggest watching your all-time favorite show together, and they respond with a wrinkled nose and a dismissive comment. Are you sure they’re the one?
Green Flag: Different tastes can actually add spice to the relationship. Embracing each other’s differences and finding common ground elsewhere shows flexibility and open-mindedness —compatibility doesn’t mean you two are the same person.
Hey, I know I’m swinging for the fence here. These are “red flags” for a reason and they can oftentimes be pretty darn annoying. But if after reading this, you slow down your judgmental gavel, then maybe it wouldn’t burn you as much.
Not saying that you lay down all your non-negotiables, but the next time you encounter what seems like a glaring warning sign waving in the wind, take a moment to pause, ponder, and perhaps see it from a different angle.
Only then can you have a more nuanced answer to the question: CAN I LIVE WITH THIS?
