“Alien Reacts” Series #75 — Unboxing Videos
A stranded alien’s take on the human practice of making unboxing videos.
(This is part of a series. If you haven’t, please read the backgrounder.)
ZOGLAR (the stranded alien):
Us aliens, when we receive a package, we just…open it!
We get on with our lives and use the product for its intended purpose.
No need for an audience, no need for dramatic music, and certainly no need to squeal like prepubescent teenagers.
But you humans? No, you have to create a whole Netflix special for that. It has to be a red-carpet event, with press invitations sent all over. Because gender reveal parties were not enough for you, you need to attach pomp and circumstance to opening a brown box.
Opening a package must be a religious experience. There must be some ASMR action involved as you curiously tap on the sides of the brown box. And there must be the obligatory “oohs” and “aahs” tossed in for good measure.
By this time, millions around the world would have dropped whatever it is they were doing to tune in for the big reveal. All around the world, big business meetings are suspended, climate change forums are deferred, emergency surgeries are halted, and hostage negotiations take a break…
Layer after layer…tape after tape…until that big moment of release when the world finally finds out what is in the box.
It’s soap by the way. Which the girl in the video ordered last night.
It’s just soap…and some coupons for the next purchase.
And the world breathes a collective sigh of relief.
